*It’s hard to believe I wrote this nearly a decade ago. I have wanted to write about this for a long time now. I’ll share some of my writing/journaling from over the last decade as honestly, I can’t remember details at times. I’m often shocked when I re-read things.
I loved this title, almost a decade ago, as it was unusual at the time. Now, due to our political landscape a lot of families have unfriended on another.
This was just another bizarre moment. I was 34 when I wrote this and it happened. It is very hard to re-read me when I’m at my worst as a parent. But being the best parent I can for my kids has been paramount. I have often failed but I think it’s shocking when you become a parent, how much you remind yourself of your own parents very quickly.
I felt so much pain, once I began to have my own kids, and discomfort with my dad suddenly. He became incredibly overbearing at that stage of my life.
My Dad Unfriended Me on Facebook – 34 Years Old (2011)
My dad unfriended me on Facebook when I was 34.
It was only slightly less disconcerting then when he friended me by accepting his friend request while visiting my home and happening upon my logged in Facebook account on my computer at my desk. I was probably upstairs with 2 of my soon to be 3 children so didn’t have time to log out.
My dad unfriended me on Facebook.
It makes people laugh when I say it. I deliver it with a smile and a funny face. He has given me that talent. The talent to make people laugh. He has also given me a deep imagination. He also gave me great hair and good skin and a pretty good face.
But he has given me things I wish I didn’t have. More then that he has not given me things that it has taken me a long time to realize a lot of people have.
I have wanted to write this book many times but never have known how to do just so.
But it dawned on me tonight as I poured myself my second glass of wine a little after 8:00 on a June night in LA. My wet hair pulled back in the familiar bun as I leaned over to open the wine bar my heart hurt for a second and I thought of the word dad.
I also decided to Google my dad right before my shower. To see what he’s been up to. His profile photo is the cropped version of him walking me down the aisle at my wedding in Hawaii when I was 28.
We were both laughing. I wonder if he uses the photo because he looks great in it or because he holds sentimental value to it? I’d love to believe the latter but he also used the photo on EBay to sell some items.
He had taken a lot of Xanax to get down that aisle.
It required him to be somewhere at an exact time. Thinking of it now, perhaps it’s only due to the fact that the wedding was on a small island that he was unable to escape.
His mother did not make his own wedding to my mother. She was too drunk and had to go to the hospital the night before.
I feel myself treating my kids in ways in which I don’t want to regret treating them. Tonight as my 3 kids under 7 were almost all whining at dinner I lost it.
“This family fucking suck” I mouthed in exasperation and took off to my room.
I took some deep breaths and quickly returned to the table hoping no one saw. My nearly 7 year-old boys said, “Mom, this chicken is so good. How did you cook it?”
I felt bad. I feel like I’m failing, as a mom and I don’t want to. I know I’m angry. I’m really angry. I’m angry that I wasn’t given time to relax as a kid, that I was always so concerned with being good and not causing explosions I wasn’t able to just find out who I was. But I’m also just angry with me. I’m 36. Too old to place blame.
I’m feeling in order to figure things out I need write about my relationship with my dad.
Anyways, my dad unfriended me on Facebook.
